The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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