last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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