Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize