Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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