thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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