oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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