Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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