i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize