I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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