8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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