shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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