I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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