my phone needs a breathalizer
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize