I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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