i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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