dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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