I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
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You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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