I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize