my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize