I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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