you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize