She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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