The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize