u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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