3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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