I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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