Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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