im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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