Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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