I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize