is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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