I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize