I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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