i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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