Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize