Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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