Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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