Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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