I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize