I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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