i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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