Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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