idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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