You smell like a Billy Joel song
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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