oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize