No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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