I just pynch a tree in the face
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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