I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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