Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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