You can't motorboat a personality
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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